Chaos! Natural Dissasters! Civil Unrest! Birds Falling From the Sky!!!

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!

That's because I'm prepared for any dissaster and ready to go with my Mil Spec bag loaded with handy items to get me through the upcoming apocolypse!  My bag isn't exactly like this one but very similar.



The question you need to ask yourself is if you are ready for the coming zombie apocolypse.  Are you ready for armageddon?  Birds are already falling out of the sky.  According to doctor Peter Venkman, "Dogs and Cats have been seen living together."  Things are going downhill fast.  Prepare for the end!!!

Yes. This is how I feel every year about this time!

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  ---Erma Bombeck

I love the build up to Christmas up to the point where I go to bed on Christmas Eve but the next day, the realization hits me that it's all over.  The carols, the lights, the message of the Savior and his love for use centered around his birth, the food, watching Christmas movies with family, and the time spent with loved ones comes to a screeching halt on that day. While we can still do some of the activities we did during the Christmas season such as thinking about the Savior it won't be the same again until just after Thanksgiving next year.  Sometimes, like Elmo from Sesame Street, I wish we could experience the Christmas season every day.  Winter seems a little colder, a little more bleak without all the trappings of the Christmas season.

No Room at the Inn and No Well to Draw Water From

Well first there was no room at the inn for Mary to give birth and now I find out that there was no well for her to get water from to quench her thirst.  Really, where was Bethleham's Legal Aid Lawyers that first Christmas.  If there was ever a reason to have a lawsuit this was it.

Some might ask how I know there was no well for the that first Christmas.  That's an excellent question.  I learned this from my local newspaper, the Hanford Sentinel when it provided a lovely Holiday Song Book with the Newspaper this week.  When I opened it up not only did I find some lovely sheet music for holiday songs but I also learned something too!  There was no water in Bethleham.  Don't believe me?  It's true!!

The song I learned this from is called, The First Nowell.  You can even find it here online:  The First Nowell which is where the newspaper got it.  It's odd singing a Christmas song talking about the lack of water resources in Bethleham but I guess it makes us appreciate the difficulties Mary and Joseph faced a little bit more this holiday season.

Happy Chrismahannakwanzica!

Yes, it's hard to believe another year is nearly over.  There is nothing I dread more as the year winds down than the constant playing of asinine holiday music non stop starting the day after Halloween.  And the music that is considered classics today is simply horrible stuff.  Take the John Denver Christmas Classic "Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk this Christmas".  Are you fracking kidding me?!?!?!?!



Yea, it's songs like the above that will drive someone to drink or even take their own life.  I rarely revel or celebrate in the death of someone else but when John Denver died you have to wonder if someone wasn't trying on purpose to put a stop to this madness!!!

Speaking of bad holiday songs, if I have to listen to the Wham "classic" Last Christmas one more time I'm going to officially claim I never lived in the 80s.  Seriously dudes!!  Watch the fracking video to see what I'm talking about!!



All this song does is remind me of those girls in high school that played those head games.  One minute they are into you and the next they are with some other guy and then a minute after that they are back into you again.  Yea, let's celebrate that in a Christmas song!!!

And what about those stupid dogs barking to the tune of Jingle Bells.  All that song makes me want to do is abuse animals.  Yet the radio station plays it year after year after year.  I think they should use this one in Guantanamo Bay.  I usually love Doctor Dimento but he crossed the line with this one!



Even Bob Geldof admits now that he hates his own Christmas song, "Do They Know It's Christmas."  When the writer of a song that is way overplayed during the holidays hates it, maybe it's time to stop playing it.  Geldof Hates His Own Christmas Song .  Special thanks to Joel Catherder Waldron for sharing that article with me.  Makes me hate Geldof a little less this holiday season!

So thank you recording community for prostituting yourselves for the sake of making a quick buck every holiday season by creating and selling this crapolla!  May you all be punished by getting stuck and in an elevator for 10 hours and forced to listen to your own song on a continuous loop over and over and over again!

The Wedding

Recently I attending a wedding and reception for a guy I home teach.  The bride and groom both live in a retirement trailer park and are getting up there in years.  I was the best man.  It was funny as I was constantly getting asked if I was the groom's grandson.

It was a lot of fun but one particularly funny thing was going into the restroom and finding these cool Hanoi Jane Urinal Targets.  We were on the local military base at the Officer's Club.  I guess they are still upset with Jane Fonda after all these years.  I started laughing hysterically and had my wife come into the men's room just to see them.  Someone was pretty inventive to come up with these and start a business. 

I Miss Ronald Reagan

Amazing the difference a few years make.  Where is the next Ronald Reagan when we need him.

Happy Halloween

Hopefully your pumpkin patch was the most sincere!  This is my first attempt at fancy carving of pumpkins.  Those pros on T.V. and the internet make it look a lot easier than it is.

Public Safety is Our Number One Priority!

Thanks to your government, safety is our number one priority.  To explain some of those wacky safety pictures I offer you the following:  Homeland Security Safety Picture Guide

Be sure to look at the guide (above link) in case an emergency happens.

Your government is always concerned about your safety.  The following Civil Defense Film, while a little dated, still contains important information that may keep you alive in an emergency. 

By understanding the illustrations of emergency behavior and viewing the video, you should be well prepared in the event of an emergency.

What is it with Twilight?

I mean really, who wants to watch movie after movie of this.  The only ones who I think would enjoy this are 11-13 year old boy scouts.

That's Cool History!!!!