Friday, June 3, 2011

Papa Smurf is a Nazi?


Papa Smurf Nazi Article

According to the above article, Papa Smurf is a Nazi.  Yes the lovable patriarch of the Smurf clan is really a jack booted thug bent on destroying the Jewish wizard Gargamel.  Really????  The middle east is burning, the world is in a financial mess, and some folks really think this is important?!?!?!?!

So to spare anyone else the time and effort of identifying other dubious cartoon characters and their evil intentions I've decided to list a few below.

Yosemite Sam:  Obviously a racist, southern Klansman and NRA member.  He should be banned from television immediately.

Road Runner:  Elitist with special privileges (aka speed) who uses his unfair advantage to deny food to poor Wiley Coyote.

Elmer Fudd:  White, racist gun nut.  Like Yosemite Sam but without the anger management issues.

He-Man:  Obviously another sexist white man with racist issues.  He forces Skeletor to live in dingy castle to deal with his anorexia alone while as the prince of the kingdom, He Man runs around oppressing him.

Scooby Doo:  Obviously makes fun of black people.  He has a funny name just like some black people named Lafanda, Bonifa, and Antwon.  He also talks funny (Ebonics).  He's a coward also and has to be bribed with food like fried chicken and watermelon.  Notice the rich white devil Freddy is in charge with his white devil girl friend Daffney.  Shaggy is obviously the poor white trash forced to live with the poor black Scooby.

Transformers:  Obviously homophobic.  The transformers can change their appearance just like transsexuals and other transgendered people.  They also are from another planet so they are illegal aliens.  Notice how the Autobots who want to play by the rules are the good guys and the other illegal aliens, the Decepticons, are given a sinister sounding name and oppressed by the good guys.  Their colors, voices, and even the vehicles they turn into are more sinister than the ones for the Autobots.  This show just screams Xenophobia.

GI-Joe:  The name alone is sexist.  And the show only has like two or three good female soldiers.  The strongest female character in the show is evil, The Baroness, and has a thickly German accent suggesting that strong women are evil Nazis and good women are submissive, pretty lower ranking soldiers like Scarlett and Lady Jane.  Just sickening the misogyny going on in GI-Joe.  Plus they are a bunch of gun toting, oppressive, military nuts going after a poor skinny guy with a lisp called Cobra Commander.  Just because the guy has a lisp is no reason to make snake jokes.  So it is also making fun of the disabled.

Land of the Lost:  While not a cartoon it is one of the other things I watched growing up and it is obviously racist and sexist.  All white guys in charge and the monkey like creatures are obviously making fun of Barack Obama.  They also speak Ebonics further making fun of black people.  The one girl on the show, Holly, is your typical helpless female who constantly needs to be saved.  Racist and sexist.

Madeline:  Based on the children's book it is about a little white girl in an elitist private school.  Obviously racist and making fun of the poor.  Shameful.

I'm sure there are others out there.  Feel free to point them out in the comments section so we can be sure to save the world from their evil ways.  We must force them to join the ranks of evil Little Black Sambo, Golliwogs, and TinTin in the Congo to be only spoken of in the darkness in hushed tones.  Burn them all!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A Message to Garcia

It's been a while since I've posted anything but I recently came across this short essay written in 1899 that got me thinking, not just about my employement but also my service in the church.  It made me ask myself, "Am I the one mychurch leaders would trust to carry the message?"  I would like to say that I could answer "yes" every time.  I would like to believe I am that person or at least working to become that person.  Some days I believe I can be that person while on other days perhaps I am not.  But life is a process and I will continue to try and be that person who could carry a message to Garcia.

1899
A Message to Garcia

By Elbert Hubbard


In all this Cuban business there is one man stands out on the horizon of my memory like Mars at perihelion. When war broke out between Spain & the United States, it was very necessary to communicate quickly with the leader of the Insurgents. Garcia was somewhere in the mountain vastness of Cuba- no one knew where. No mail nor telegraph message could reach him. The President must secure his cooperation, and quickly.
What to do!
Some one said to the President, "There’s a fellow by the name of Rowan will find Garcia for you, if anybody can."
Rowan was sent for and given a letter to be delivered to Garcia. How "the fellow by the name of Rowan" took the letter, sealed it up in an oil-skin pouch, strapped it over his heart, in four days landed by night off the coast of Cuba from an open boat, disappeared into the jungle, & in three weeks came out on the other side of the Island, having traversed a hostile country on foot, and delivered his letter to Garcia, are things I have no special desire now to tell in detail.
The point I wish to make is this: McKinley gave Rowan a letter to be delivered to Garcia; Rowan took the letter and did not ask, "Where is he at?" By the Eternal! there is a man whose form should be cast in deathless bronze and the statue placed in every college of the land. It is not book-learning young men need, nor instruction about this and that, but a stiffening of the vertebrae which will cause them to be loyal to a trust, to act promptly, concentrate their energies: do the thing- "Carry a message to Garcia!"
General Garcia is dead now, but there are other Garcias.
No man, who has endeavored to carry out an enterprise where many hands were needed, but has been well nigh appalled at times by the imbecility of the average man- the inability or unwillingness to concentrate on a thing and do it. Slip-shod assistance, foolish inattention, dowdy indifference, & half-hearted work seem the rule; and no man succeeds, unless by hook or crook, or threat, he forces or bribes other men to assist him; or mayhap, God in His goodness performs a miracle, & sends him an Angel of Light for an assistant. You, reader, put this matter to a test: You are sitting now in your office- six clerks are within call.
Summon any one and make this request: "Please look in the encyclopedia and make a brief memorandum for me concerning the life of Correggio".
Will the clerk quietly say, "Yes, sir," and go do the task?
On your life, he will not. He will look at you out of a fishy eye and ask one or more of the following questions:
Who was he?
Which encyclopedia?
Where is the encyclopedia?
Was I hired for that?
Don’t you mean Bismarck?
What’s the matter with Charlie doing it?
Is he dead?
Is there any hurry?
Shan’t I bring you the book and let you look it up yourself?
What do you want to know for?
And I will lay you ten to one that after you have answered the questions, and explained how to find the information, and why you want it, the clerk will go off and get one of the other clerks to help him try to find Garcia- and then come back and tell you there is no such man. Of course I may lose my bet, but according to the Law of Average, I will not.
Now if you are wise you will not bother to explain to your "assistant" that Correggio is indexed under the C’s, not in the K’s, but you will smile sweetly and say, "Never mind," and go look it up yourself.
And this incapacity for independent action, this moral stupidity, this infirmity of the will, this unwillingness to cheerfully catch hold and lift, are the things that put pure Socialism so far into the future. If men will not act for themselves, what will they do when the benefit of their effort is for all? A first-mate with knotted club seems necessary; and the dread of getting "the bounce" Saturday night, holds many a worker to his place.
Advertise for a stenographer, and nine out of ten who apply, can neither spell nor punctuate- and do not think it necessary to.
Can such a one write a letter to Garcia?
"You see that bookkeeper," said the foreman to me in a large factory.
"Yes, what about him?"
"Well he’s a fine accountant, but if I’d send him up town on an errand, he might accomplish the errand all right, and on the other hand, might stop at four saloons on the way, and when he got to Main Street, would forget what he had been sent for."
Can such a man be entrusted to carry a message to Garcia?
We have recently been hearing much maudlin sympathy expressed for the "downtrodden denizen of the sweat-shop" and the "homeless wanderer searching for honest employment," & with it all often go many hard words for the men in power.
Nothing is said about the employer who grows old before his time in a vain attempt to get frowsy ne’er-do-wells to do intelligent work; and his long patient striving with "help" that does nothing but loaf when his back is turned. In every store and factory there is a constant weeding-out process going on. The employer is constantly sending away "help" that have shown their incapacity to further the interests of the business, and others are being taken on. No matter how good times are, this sorting continues, only if times are hard and work is scarce, the sorting is done finer- but out and forever out, the incompetent and unworthy go.
It is the survival of the fittest. Self-interest prompts every employer to keep the best- those who can carry a message to Garcia.
I know one man of really brilliant parts who has not the ability to manage a business of his own, and yet who is absolutely worthless to any one else, because he carries with him constantly the insane suspicion that his employer is oppressing, or intending to oppress him. He cannot give orders; and he will not receive them. Should a message be given him to take to Garcia, his answer would probably be, "Take it yourself."
Tonight this man walks the streets looking for work, the wind whistling through his threadbare coat. No one who knows him dare employ him, for he is a regular fire-brand of discontent. He is impervious to reason, and the only thing that can impress him is the toe of a thick-soled No. 9 boot.
Of course I know that one so morally deformed is no less to be pitied than a physical cripple; but in our pitying, let us drop a tear, too, for the men who are striving to carry on a great enterprise, whose working hours are not limited by the whistle, and whose hair is fast turning white through the struggle to hold in line dowdy indifference, slip-shod imbecility, and the heartless ingratitude, which, but for their enterprise, would be both hungry & homeless.
Have I put the matter too strongly? Possibly I have; but when all the world has gone a-slumming I wish to speak a word of sympathy for the man who succeeds- the man who, against great odds has directed the efforts of others, and having succeeded, finds there’s nothing in it: nothing but bare board and clothes.
I have carried a dinner pail & worked for day’s wages, and I have also been an employer of labor, and I know there is something to be said on both sides. There is no excellence, per se, in poverty; rags are no recommendation; & all employers are not rapacious and high-handed, any more than all poor men are virtuous.
My heart goes out to the man who does his work when the "boss" is away, as well as when he is at home. And the man who, when given a letter for Garcia, quietly take the missive, without asking any idiotic questions, and with no lurking intention of chucking it into the nearest sewer, or of doing aught else but deliver it, never gets "laid off," nor has to go on a strike for higher wages. Civilization is one long anxious search for just such individuals. Anything such a man asks shall be granted; his kind is so rare that no employer can afford to let him go. He is wanted in every city, town and village- in every office, shop, store and factory. The world cries out for such: he is needed, & needed badly- the man who can carry a message to Garcia.



THE END-

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Chaos! Natural Dissasters! Civil Unrest! Birds Falling From the Sky!!!

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!

That's because I'm prepared for any dissaster and ready to go with my Mil Spec bag loaded with handy items to get me through the upcoming apocolypse!  My bag isn't exactly like this one but very similar.



The question you need to ask yourself is if you are ready for the coming zombie apocolypse.  Are you ready for armageddon?  Birds are already falling out of the sky.  According to doctor Peter Venkman, "Dogs and Cats have been seen living together."  Things are going downhill fast.  Prepare for the end!!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Yes. This is how I feel every year about this time!

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.  ---Erma Bombeck

I love the build up to Christmas up to the point where I go to bed on Christmas Eve but the next day, the realization hits me that it's all over.  The carols, the lights, the message of the Savior and his love for use centered around his birth, the food, watching Christmas movies with family, and the time spent with loved ones comes to a screeching halt on that day. While we can still do some of the activities we did during the Christmas season such as thinking about the Savior it won't be the same again until just after Thanksgiving next year.  Sometimes, like Elmo from Sesame Street, I wish we could experience the Christmas season every day.  Winter seems a little colder, a little more bleak without all the trappings of the Christmas season.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

No Room at the Inn and No Well to Draw Water From

Well first there was no room at the inn for Mary to give birth and now I find out that there was no well for her to get water from to quench her thirst.  Really, where was Bethleham's Legal Aid Lawyers that first Christmas.  If there was ever a reason to have a lawsuit this was it.

Some might ask how I know there was no well for the that first Christmas.  That's an excellent question.  I learned this from my local newspaper, the Hanford Sentinel when it provided a lovely Holiday Song Book with the Newspaper this week.  When I opened it up not only did I find some lovely sheet music for holiday songs but I also learned something too!  There was no water in Bethleham.  Don't believe me?  It's true!!

The song I learned this from is called, The First Nowell.  You can even find it here online:  The First Nowell which is where the newspaper got it.  It's odd singing a Christmas song talking about the lack of water resources in Bethleham but I guess it makes us appreciate the difficulties Mary and Joseph faced a little bit more this holiday season.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Happy Chrismahannakwanzica!

Yes, it's hard to believe another year is nearly over.  There is nothing I dread more as the year winds down than the constant playing of asinine holiday music non stop starting the day after Halloween.  And the music that is considered classics today is simply horrible stuff.  Take the John Denver Christmas Classic "Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk this Christmas".  Are you fracking kidding me?!?!?!?!



Yea, it's songs like the above that will drive someone to drink or even take their own life.  I rarely revel or celebrate in the death of someone else but when John Denver died you have to wonder if someone wasn't trying on purpose to put a stop to this madness!!!

Speaking of bad holiday songs, if I have to listen to the Wham "classic" Last Christmas one more time I'm going to officially claim I never lived in the 80s.  Seriously dudes!!  Watch the fracking video to see what I'm talking about!!



All this song does is remind me of those girls in high school that played those head games.  One minute they are into you and the next they are with some other guy and then a minute after that they are back into you again.  Yea, let's celebrate that in a Christmas song!!!

And what about those stupid dogs barking to the tune of Jingle Bells.  All that song makes me want to do is abuse animals.  Yet the radio station plays it year after year after year.  I think they should use this one in Guantanamo Bay.  I usually love Doctor Dimento but he crossed the line with this one!



Even Bob Geldof admits now that he hates his own Christmas song, "Do They Know It's Christmas."  When the writer of a song that is way overplayed during the holidays hates it, maybe it's time to stop playing it.  Geldof Hates His Own Christmas Song .  Special thanks to Joel Catherder Waldron for sharing that article with me.  Makes me hate Geldof a little less this holiday season!

So thank you recording community for prostituting yourselves for the sake of making a quick buck every holiday season by creating and selling this crapolla!  May you all be punished by getting stuck and in an elevator for 10 hours and forced to listen to your own song on a continuous loop over and over and over again!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Wedding

Recently I attending a wedding and reception for a guy I home teach.  The bride and groom both live in a retirement trailer park and are getting up there in years.  I was the best man.  It was funny as I was constantly getting asked if I was the groom's grandson.

It was a lot of fun but one particularly funny thing was going into the restroom and finding these cool Hanoi Jane Urinal Targets.  We were on the local military base at the Officer's Club.  I guess they are still upset with Jane Fonda after all these years.  I started laughing hysterically and had my wife come into the men's room just to see them.  Someone was pretty inventive to come up with these and start a business. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I Miss Ronald Reagan

Amazing the difference a few years make.  Where is the next Ronald Reagan when we need him.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy Halloween

Hopefully your pumpkin patch was the most sincere!  This is my first attempt at fancy carving of pumpkins.  Those pros on T.V. and the internet make it look a lot easier than it is.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Public Safety is Our Number One Priority!

Thanks to your government, safety is our number one priority.  To explain some of those wacky safety pictures I offer you the following:  Homeland Security Safety Picture Guide
Be sure to look at the guide (above link) in case an emergency happens.

Your government is always concerned about your safety.  The following Civil Defense Film, while a little dated, still contains important information that may keep you alive in an emergency. 



By understanding the illustrations of emergency behavior and viewing the video, you should be well prepared in the event of an emergency.