My own book club....

I'm starting my own book club because frankly, your book club sucks lemons.  You get together with your friends eating snacks and talking about books that only a couple people actually read because no one wants to read the books you pick.  They stink worse that a big steaming pile of poo!!

My book club is going to be great because I am picking the books we will read and I don't choose dumb books.  I choose books about men and women doing great things under impossible conditions.  These are books about folks who are giving their blood, sweat, and tears to defend freedom and the American way so that weenies like the people in your book club can read about shiny vampires, people kissing under yum yum trees, or stories with bad endings.  No one wants to read that crap because all they have to do is turn on the television and they are bombarded by it.  Who wants to read a book with a bad ending anyway?  Yes Shakespeare got away with it but there really weren't a lot of other choices back in his day.  If you wanted entertainment, that was about it short of watching pirates get hanged down by the docks or traitors getting drawn and quartered by some over pampered lord Fauntleroy on the town commons.

And if my book club reads a book that doesn't have a lot of shooting, explosions, and other sounds of freedom it will be a book about surviving in the woods with just a pocket knife and a can of Ovaltine.  And if we read biographies in my club or autobiographies they are going to be about great people like George Washington or George Patton.  There won't be any books about whiny, neurotic women who grew up in bad homes, abused drugs as teens, and feel the need to share their suffering in some book that makes everyone feel like crap that reads it.

And there won't be any books with people named Mr. Darcey, Mr. Wicket, or Mr. whatever who drive around in carriages and can't say what is really on their mind for page after mindless page.  In my books the guy will go up to the girl and say, "Hey, you look hot, how about we go out to dinner."  Really, do we need to read an entire novel where people speak without really talking to each other all the while pining away about their feelings to their sisters.  In my world that's called wasting time and energy and in today's economy we should really be wasting anything?

For my book choices the only romance you read about will be between men and women who find a short pause in fighting the enemy to regroup, reload, or rearm.  And in every case the romantic parts will be short and sweet because they are patriotic folks fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.  They don't have time to spend half the book talking to their girl friends about their confused feelings for the other guy.  It's war honey and there ain't time to pine away while your man is fighting so you can sit at home with your ninny sisters talking about crocheting or some other ridiculous hobby.

So if you want to join my book club you now know the rules.  I can guarantee there will be good books that people that join will actually want to read.  If a bad one slips through we'll take it out back and launch it with the clay pigeon thrower and give it a 21 gun salute followed by confetti.  But chances are it will never get to that point.  So join today!