Well it happened again!!! The evil networks got me interested in one of their television shows, left me hanging with the season finale, and then cancelled the show.  This time their victim was Alcatraz.  Now for the record I don't like prison shows, I don't like prisons, and I don't like San Francisco but this show was good.  I liked the writing and the acting.  I really enjoyed the car chase scenes which reminded me of the car chases in the old "Streets of San Francisco" series and also the Steve McQueen movie "Bullet".

But now it's gone, the heroine on death's door in the hospital, a million loose ends, and the promise of some answers to the questions that have been haunting us all season just one more episode away.  It's like reading a book and just as you are really getting into the story some big bully in a dark suit comes in and yanks it away from you without any explanation leaving you to wonder forever how it would turn out.  Now imagine that happening every year over and over to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see, I'm cursed.  I pick show after show to watch that gets cancelled.  Television is generally boring.  I don't want to watch another sitcom with a dunder head husband, or a boring investigative cops show (there are about 40 of these), or a show about doctors or lawyers behaving badly behind the scenes of their actual jobs.  So when something comes along that is different and entertaining it sucks me right in.  Flashforward, Space Above and Beyond, Firefly, Dead Like Me, Star Gate Universe, Better Off Ted, Homicide, Caprica, Jericho, and Pushing Daisies were all ripped away without any remorse by the evil studio executives who make those decisions.  Aside from Firefly which got a movie to wrap things up the others were just suddenly gone leaving holes in my conciousness.  Even today for some of these shows that have been gone for years I still think about the characters and wonder what is going on in their lives.  Silly?  Yes it is but didn't the networks want me to get emotionally involved with their shows so I would keep watching them week after week and buy the products advertised in multiple 30 second ads throughout?  Silly me for actually caring about the characters in your show as intended!!!

Is it too much to ask to give us one more episode to have some closure????  Just put it on the internet for goodness sake!  Then at least I wouldn't be so angry at the network for pulling the plug.  Instead of anger, I would then be able to say, "I understand the ratings were low and it had to go but they at least finished the story with that one last episode so it's ok".  But that never happens.  They just yank it and it's like a part of me is ripped away forever!

I'm not one to advocate for new laws and think there are too many laws already but if I could pass one law tomorrow it would require that any show that gets cancelled gets to film one more episode to wrap up the story line.  At least then we would know what happened and would be able to go on with life not wondering what happened to our favorite characters.

Of course, maybe my real problem is my addiction to television......

My own book club....

I'm starting my own book club because frankly, your book club sucks lemons.  You get together with your friends eating snacks and talking about books that only a couple people actually read because no one wants to read the books you pick.  They stink worse that a big steaming pile of poo!!

My book club is going to be great because I am picking the books we will read and I don't choose dumb books.  I choose books about men and women doing great things under impossible conditions.  These are books about folks who are giving their blood, sweat, and tears to defend freedom and the American way so that weenies like the people in your book club can read about shiny vampires, people kissing under yum yum trees, or stories with bad endings.  No one wants to read that crap because all they have to do is turn on the television and they are bombarded by it.  Who wants to read a book with a bad ending anyway?  Yes Shakespeare got away with it but there really weren't a lot of other choices back in his day.  If you wanted entertainment, that was about it short of watching pirates get hanged down by the docks or traitors getting drawn and quartered by some over pampered lord Fauntleroy on the town commons.

And if my book club reads a book that doesn't have a lot of shooting, explosions, and other sounds of freedom it will be a book about surviving in the woods with just a pocket knife and a can of Ovaltine.  And if we read biographies in my club or autobiographies they are going to be about great people like George Washington or George Patton.  There won't be any books about whiny, neurotic women who grew up in bad homes, abused drugs as teens, and feel the need to share their suffering in some book that makes everyone feel like crap that reads it.

And there won't be any books with people named Mr. Darcey, Mr. Wicket, or Mr. whatever who drive around in carriages and can't say what is really on their mind for page after mindless page.  In my books the guy will go up to the girl and say, "Hey, you look hot, how about we go out to dinner."  Really, do we need to read an entire novel where people speak without really talking to each other all the while pining away about their feelings to their sisters.  In my world that's called wasting time and energy and in today's economy we should really be wasting anything?

For my book choices the only romance you read about will be between men and women who find a short pause in fighting the enemy to regroup, reload, or rearm.  And in every case the romantic parts will be short and sweet because they are patriotic folks fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.  They don't have time to spend half the book talking to their girl friends about their confused feelings for the other guy.  It's war honey and there ain't time to pine away while your man is fighting so you can sit at home with your ninny sisters talking about crocheting or some other ridiculous hobby.

So if you want to join my book club you now know the rules.  I can guarantee there will be good books that people that join will actually want to read.  If a bad one slips through we'll take it out back and launch it with the clay pigeon thrower and give it a 21 gun salute followed by confetti.  But chances are it will never get to that point.  So join today!

Wear it Out, Use it Up......

My wife and been asking me for several months if I wanted a new stationary bike.  I tend to only ride it when the weather is bad outside either with wind, rain, or if it's too hot for me to go jogging.  On occassion if I got home late from work and it was getting dark I would also jump on the old bike for some exercise.  The old bike had been my grandparents and was very uncomfortable.  The seat hurt, it felt like it was too close to the pedals and the speedometer didn't function anymore.  Resistance was added by turning a knob which pushed a small wheel down on the bike tire.  But the bike worked and I hate to replace something that is still functioning although in this case it was functioning poorly.

About six months ago I noticed fine black shavings on the ground after I did my hour and fifteen minute ride.  Looking at the old tire I could see it starting to crack and knew it was just a matter of time.  Last Monday it had been raining forcing me inside.  About 20 minutes into the ride a large chunk came off the tire.  Then about every minute after that another chunk joined it until about 45 minutes into the ride and the whole tire came apart and flew off.  Fortunately, no children or animals where harmed during the workout.  Without the tire there was no more resistance other than the centrifical force created by the wheel and so I spent 15 more minutes riding just to cool down.  Saturday, I sadly carried the old bike to the dumpster and picked up the major chucks of rubber.  All that remains are the fine rubber shavings of the old stationary bike.  RIP.

I was hoping to keep it going a few more months until after everyone quit their new year's resolutions and decided to get rid of their new exercise bike.  If their is anything I am more relunctant to do than throwing out an old but still functioning bike it's purchasing a brand new one at retail price.  But Craigs list has not had anything decent so I may have to bite the bullet.

If you know anyone that is getting rid of their stationary bike, send them my direction.  On the plus side, how many people can brag that they wore out a stationary bike with their workouts!!!

Book Review on Here????

I do not do book reviews on my blog but I just finished reading this wonderful book and wanted to share it.  I actually read this in January which breaks my unwritten holiday rule of not reading books that revolve around Christmas in any month but December.  I am so glad I broke my rule.  The book is a wonderful companion tale to the original Dickens classic, "A Christmas Carol".  It fits perfectly with the original story and adds depth and dimension to the tale.  The two stories together are like two pieces of music that fit perfectly together to form something greater.  I have read "A Christmas Carol" many times and love all the variouse movie adaptations, particularly the Patrick Stewart, TNT version which I watch every year.  Jacob T. Marley by R. William Bennett is of that same quality and should it be made into a movie in the future would certainly become a Christmas classic.  I recommend it highly for your next reading adventure.

The Holidays Are Here Again......

It's the most horrible time of the year!!!

Yep, if Scrooge and the Grinch had a kid together it would be me.  I just can't stand the holiday season.  No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to enjoy it.  I try and try and try but it just seems like everything goes to heck in a handbasket.

Take this last weekend.  I was supposed to be enjoying some nice time at the parents ranch in the hills.  The nights were cold but the days were beautiful.  It was a great opportunity to have some fun except.....

I spent part of my free time chasing cows that escaped and cancelled the rest when my kid cut his leg open needing stitches.  He did this jumping on the couch after he was told multiple times to stop.  I ended up going home early and instead of having some good family fun I was just tired and mad.

Work itself becomes more hectic as I try to finish up everything that needs to be done by year end.  Then there's the company Christmas party that I would rather not attend because a party at work feels like work not fun.  There's always one or two employees who complain about the party afterwards.  They either didn't like the food or thought the awards were lame or hated the gift they recieved.  It's enough to make one long for the days when you could still beat your employees.

I also get to look forward to a large pile of work after the holiday when the year ends and taxes start up.  This year I also had the wonderful opportunity to begin working on insurance renewals and quotes because my insurance company decided to move up their renewal date.  Thanks guys!

Then there's the whole let down of Christmas day.  The kids are wild and whiney, I rarely get anything I want or need, spend all day puting stuff together that was never assembled when it was packaged in China, have to pick up a bunch of paper and boxes, and on top of all that get to go to church this year because Christmas is on Sunday.  Yea!!! I get to put on a coat and tie!!!!!  Whoever invented coats and ties should be shot.  Why can't I just go dressed in something comfortable??????

Then as soon as it's over I have to go take down the stupid lights and outdoor decorations.  That will take a lot of time that I would prefer to spend doing almost anything else.  I hate going up and down the ladder, hour after hour to take down lights that the kids quit appreciating weeks ago.

If I didn't have kids I think I would skip the whole thing.  Really, if it weren't for them I wouldn't even bother.  Each holiday season I remember why people drink around this time of year and secretly wish I wasn't Mormon and could go through this horrible experience with the sweet numbing sensation brought on by cheap whisky.

Dedication!

Dedication that's what that is!  When you're willing to fork over the high price for California Vanity Plates year after year you must be a true believer.  This is a real license plate picture that I took with my cell phone camera recently as I drove to a meeting in California.  I won't even put a bumper sticker for a candidate on my vehicle let alone consider doing something like this.  Frankly, there isn't a person in the whole world other than my wife and kids whose name I might consider puting on my vehicle.

It's like getting a tattoo with someone's name.  I wouldn't do it not because if it didn't work out I'd be stuck with it but because I just am not that emotionally invested I guess to put a permanent mark on my body.  Same goes for my vehicle.  What makes this picture particularly funny is that most people I know that voted for Obama the last time around aren't in a hurry to advertise that now with the lackluster economy and jobless rates.  I guess their hope and change has just turned into hoping that no one remembers they supported that guy.

In a way though I am a little impressed with the guy with the Obama vanity plates.  That is extreme dedication to his cause.  There are only a few other people in history that have shown that type of resolve.  Hannibal as he crossed the alps riding elephants is one that comes to mind.  I don't think elephants are too fond of snow but he still pushed on.  Hitler refusing to surrender even with the Soviets in Berlin is another example of dedication.  There's a guy that lives in the desert that still insists the moon landing was faked and the earth is really flat.  He doesn't care what evidence he sees to the contrary.  That's dedication!

Of course going to a football game for a losing team in freezing weather and staying till the final whistle after watching the slaughter might also be a form of crazed dedication.  So it's good that I don't know anyone personally who did that on Saturday night starting at 7pm with three cold and cranky kids in tow while their team lost by over 25 points.  Just like those Obama voters from last time around, I'd like everyone to forget the guy that stayed long past the other 95% of the people in the stadium.

And that huge number of people in the stands was at the beginning of the game!!!

Celebrity Vampires

Fox news is reporting that a man is selling an 1800s photo of Nicholas Cage Cage Vampire Article

Some have stated that they do not believe that Cage is a vampire but I believe that the photo from the 1800s is actually Nicholas Cage, vampire or not.  Perhaps he is just some sort of weird creature that rejuvinates after reaching a certain age who then blends back into society.  For years I've believed that some celebrities such as Cher had supernatural abilities.  Just look at Cher and tell me that something isn't quite right there.

My theory became even more real when I was watching a History Channel special on the 3rd Reich SS, Hitler's sinister special group of madmen.  As I watched this special I was suddenly shocked to see a picture of actor Christopher Gorham, a native of nearby Fresno, CA.  Gorham currently is a regular cast member of the USA Network's show "Covert Affairs" and was the lead actor in "The Other Side of Heaven" portraying LDS missionary John Groberg!  Christophr Gorham Wikipedia Entry In the History Channel special his picture was shown in full SS dress uniform!!!  I nearly fell out of my seat and yelled, "That's Augie from Covert Affairs!!!!"

So Nicholas Cage, Cher, and Christopher Gorham are all much, much older than we thought!  Are they vampires?  Well I think most have been out in the sunlight although with Cher it is hard to tell if she ever has been in the sun.  In her music video If I Could Turn Back Time the sailors seem oddly messmerized by the old lady and the video is shot at night.  Both could be signs that she is something more than normal.  Perhaps there are multiple supernatural things at work here.  Maybe she's a vampire but Cage and Gorham are just immortal.

I always thought Elvira Mistress of the Night was a vampire.  Maralyn Manson looks like one too.  And when I say vampire I don't mean the friendly ones that sparkle like in that horrible book series.  Conservative celebrity Ann Coulter looks a little creepy as well.  Perhaps she's a vampire.  Michael Jackson gave me the willies long after Thriller came on the scene.  And what about all those Elvis sightings over the years since is "alleged" death.  Carrot Top is also kind of creepy in an undead sort of way and Christopher Walken just scares me sometime.  Keith Richards from the Rolling Stones used enough drugs that he should have died long ago if not for some supernatural help.  Steven Tyler from Aerosmith looks kind of like a walking corpse too!  Phyllis Diller is still around and that lady is way, way old!

The real question we need to ask is if the rest of us normal, non supernatural types are in any danger from the living dead celebrities.  Do they crave human flesh or just attention?  Does their supernatural ability to live long after they should have died upset the natural balance on our planet.  These are all questions we must answer.  Only with these answers will we know for sure whether we need to purchase torches and pitchforks!

The Catch 22 or Lesser of Two Evils

Well if you have to ask.....

Seriously though, why are so many options we have in life a choice between bad and worse?  Take the above statement.  I feel sorry for any guy that gets asked this question by his wife and/or girlfriend.  A yes answer is telling her you think she looks fat but if it is a really bad wardrobe choice then what do you do?

It's kind of like asking someone if they would rather jump into a pool of snot or a pool of cow manure if someone put a gun to their head.  Well obviously either is better than a bullet in the brain but is one option really any better than the other?

I was reminded of this the other day when someone mentioned the dog breed known as the Chow.  I was immediately taken back to my days as a 15 or 16 year old scout and a money making project we did.  Our scoutmaster knew a guy that had a ton of weeds around his house, barn and orchard that he wanted to get knocked down.  We went to work with hoes and rakes and soon had several large piles of dried up weeds and grass.  The scoutmaster also brought his tractor and disk to work some of the weedy ground.  Well things now looked pretty good except for the large piles of dead plant material everywhere.  So what were we to do?

The scoutmaster got the idea that we could burn the weeds.  This was back in the day when no one complained about air quality or permits for burning anything.  So he proceeded to light a pile.  That seemed to be working pretty good so he decided to light all the piles scattered around the place.  Well with a small breeze those piles were burning pretty good rather quickly and the matter of the fire spreading to some remaining areas of dry grass soon became a problem.  The scouts worked like mad men with hoes and shovels but it soon became apparent that we were getting beat by the fire.  What we needed was water and we needed it badly.

The problem was that the hose was inside the fenced yard which had a large Chow patroling it.  So the question became which would we rather do, burn up a few acres of property and possibly a building or two or brave the blood thirsty Chow.  Finally we convinced one scout to make the trip into the Chow's lair.

We tried to help.  We distracted the Chow as our buddy sneaked in.  He got to the hose and was able to turn it on before the large as a bear Chow saw him.  The Chow began running and barking at our fellow scout.  The barking sounded more like a blood thirsty snarl and the scout began running for the gate with the hose in hand screaming in fear.  He made it just in time and we continued fighting the fire eventually getting it out.

The owner of the property was very happy even though our fire sprang back up after we left and burned up his pool pipes.  He turned that into insurance and told us that the pipes were really old and needed to be replaced anyway.  He paid us well and we were able to go to scout camp with the money we had earned.

I did earn a healthy respect for both fire and Chows that day and wondered if I had to make that choice would I choose to get chased by a Chow or risk burning a few acres.  I still can't answer that question.  Sometimes the choices we have are bad no matter which one we choose.

I'M SHOCKED!!!! Really?

I'm shocked!  It seems this set of words is used too frequently anymore.  The latest involved the death of drug queen Amy Winehouse.  The headline announcing her death was humorous.  It stated, "Friends and Family Shocked".  Really?  They were shocked to learn that the woman who blew through drugs by the tractor trailer load ended up dead?

How about the people that are shocked when Lindsay Lohan ends up in jail.

Or the people that are shocked by another celebrity marriage falling apart.

Or the shock caused by finding out that another politician is cheating on his wife.

Or the shock caused by finding out that another politician is corrupt.

Or the shock from finding out a particular government agency or program was rife with waste, fraud, and corruption.

Really?  Are we that shocked anymore or were the signs there all along.

I remember during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina when the government handed out debit cards to those who were displaced.  Soon the reports came in about "refugees" reportedly buying things like large screen televisions and liquor.  Folks were shocked to hear this.  Really?  Did you see the looting going on in New Orleans?  Even the police were getting in on the action. 

I think what would be shocking is seeing the exact opposite of what we expect to happen.  Like if Amy Winehouse lived to be 100 or a celebrity marriage actually lasted an entire lifetime.  That would be shocking.  But the utter corruption, decadence and decay in society is only shocking anymore if you've been living under a rock.

I Hate Social Media!

I really, really, really hate social network sites.  Myface, Faceoff, or whatever, I just dislike them to no end.  Why?  They are huge time wasters.  A couple people at work were so hooked on them that we had to configure the firewall to block them.  Folks were spending hours sneaking time in checking out their "friends" and playing something called Farm Wars.

And speaking of friends, if you are too lazy to write a letter (or even email) or simply pick up the phone to talk to them are they really your friends?  And if you just added them to your list as a friend and have never really talked to them aren't they more along the lines of perfect strangers than "friends".  What does friendship mean when you have 500 friends on a social media website?  Really?

I must admit I did sign up for one of these social websites a while back.  I was trying to help a nearby city win a contest to help feed the hungry.  They ended up getting second place.  In the few weeks I was on this thing I had a whole bunch of people try to add me as their "friend".  People I hardly knew or didn't even like constantly bombarded me with invitations to be their "friend".  I wouldn't let these people watch my dog overnight and they want to be my "friend".  People that wouldn't normally even talk to me wanted to add me to their meaningless list.  Boy that sure is flattering!

Then there is the nefarious uses of the social websites.  Folks getting in touch with that old flame from the days past.  Folks I got news for you, that old love of your's from high school didn't age well, is overweight, and there was a reason you broke up.  It wasn't going to work then and it's just going to mess your life up especially if either of you are married today to someone else.  People also lie on social media.  They lie a lot.  I have a relative who constantly lied about what was going on in their life just so they could hack off their ex spouse.  This person spent hours posting outright lies because they knew the other person was checking out their page.  I'm sure the ex spouse was doing the same thing.  Meanwhile the real relationships in life suffer because time is highly perishable and whatever time you waste on social network sites is time lost with your real friends and family that you live with, work with, and actually used to care about more than the 500 fake friends you've collected to help you battle on Mafia Farm.

While we are on the subject lets talk about Tweeting and Twittering.  There is no one in the world that I care enough about to want minute by minute updates about them delivered to my cell phone.  No one.  Short of Jesus Christ himself there is no one in the entire Universe, Multiverse, Underverse, or Microverse that I care about hearing from like that.  My life is full, rich, exciting, and busy enough that I don't want or need updates on anyone else's.  If you are into this junk start living your own life now.  Do you think the celebrity that tweets you all the time even cares a flip about you?  Just ask Congressman Weiner about how much he really cared about his real family after spending hours Tweeting people.

And let's talk further about video games.  I admit that I enjoy the occassional video game every few months but the biggest waste of time has got to be the segment of the market known as Sports Video Games.  Unless you live in Prudhoe Bay Alaska and can't go outside 10 months out of the year there is no reason to have these games.  If you want to play basketball then go outside and do it.  If you want to play football go outside and do it.  Ice hockey, join a league.  People spend hours and hours mastering button combinations when they could have learned to play a real sport and gotten some exercise too.  In the process of playing a sport for real they could have made some real friends.  People that live in the real world that are actually living their lives.  What a concept!

Which brings me to the fake music video games.  I know guys that have spent hours and hours day after day playing games with fake musical instruments.  Really, if they had spent a fraction of the time learning to play a real instrument then maybe, just maybe they could actually play something that was real.  Seriously, Loserville is your home town when you spend years of your life playing a fake musical instrument but can't get past "Chop Sticks" or "Hot Cross Buns" on a real instrument.  You put in the time practicing for nothing.  Even the guys who are good at Air Guitar make fun of you.  Paint the "L" on your forehead now or start living life.

And that's what it really comes down to, you need to live life.  It isn't making fake "friends" on Mywraith, Battling Trolls online with your fantasy Elfin team, catching a football from a digital version of Michael Vick, or playing a fake instrument with a fake version of Motley Crew.  Life is about really being in the action that matters and spending time with real people and real things.  So move out of your parents basement, get a job, bathe, and get a real relationship.  Otherwise just paint the big "L" on your forehead because you know that Darth Vader didn't spend hours "friending" people online.  He was too busy hunting down Jedi and bringing order to the universe.  He lived his life to the fullest and so should you!