Book of Laman Part 2

Here is part 2 of the recently discovered Book of Laman. If you missed part 1, scroll down and read that first.

Chapter 2

Day 8

So we returned home after three days journey to the camp of our parents in the wilderness and behold my mother and father were filled with joy upon our safe return. Nephi was still wearing the blood stained clothing of Laban from Jerusalem but aside from that everything was good. Mom was particularly worried about us while we were gone and she and dad got into a little row. She accused him of being a dreamer which upset him greatly. Creative people sometimes chafe at being referred to as dreamers. But to calm her down he told her how fortunate we had been in our travels and soon she was back to her old self. We decided not to tell mom that her beloved yet disturbed Nephi was wanted for murder!

Dad was glad to finally have the family bible back in the family and proceeded to read to us stories. Since our entertainment options were limited to watching Nephi play in the mud from the morning’s wash, we welcomed the story telling. Nephi got really into it and decided to begin writing two fictional stories about our travels with him as the lead character and hero. Normally this would have bothered me a bit to see myself lampooned in print but it seemed to sooth the lad and keep him out of trouble.

Day 87

Things have been pretty slow lately which is why I haven’t been writing much. Today, Dad made the big announcement that we should return to Jerusalem and see if the heat had died down. He also suggested that we stop by his friend Ishmael’s house and see if we could convince him to merge his business with ours. Specifically, Ishmael had a good handle on trading with the populations of southern Arabia and it was hoped that the merger would also involve marriages between the two families. A prospect that I must say was not altogether distasteful.
Once again though, it was insisted that we take along Nephi, Lemuel, and Sam. I’m beginning to think that mom and dad just want a break from Nephi once in a while from his incessant talking about the supernatural and his fictional books. So we did begin our return journey to Jerusalem.

Day 90

We arrived at Ishmael’s house and I could immediately see the wisdom in my father’s decision. Ishmael’s daughters are smokin’! He had two daughters and four sons by his first wife, Hippuppoo of India, who had passed away when they were younger children and three more daughters by his current wife. The older girls had a lovely olive complexion indicative of their ancestry while the younger daughters were very fair skinned and looked like they would easily get sunburned. When describing these daughters I can say that the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine.

The sons were a great bargain as well. They were strong lads who would greatly help in the work. As an added bonus, they were about the right age for our sisters.

After a brief meal the merger was settled and we decided to take the long way back to enable us to get to know the ladies a little better. As the oldest sons, Lemuel and I began courting the oldest girls while Sam began courting the oldest daughter of the second wife. Nephi was suffering from an inferiority complex and pretty much sulked the first couple of days. The poor youngest daughter of Ishmael tried to make small talk with him but it didn’t go anywhere.

So once again I hatched a plan to help poor Nephi out. I had serious doubts as to our merger should he not enter into matrimony with this girl. She was also beginning to wonder if he was a suitable choice for marriage herself!

I had shown the sons of Ishmael some drawings of our sisters and had told of their beauty so they were fully on board with the idea so I had the help I needed. I got my girl and Lemuel’s girl to go along also. Now it had been some time since I had engaged in the art of a thespian but to pull this off for Nephi’s sake, we would have to be very convincing. My previous acting experience had been with a local theater troupe in Jerusalem. I never had a lead role but I do think we made some quality productions. We decided to stage a fake hostile take over of our group and act as if we wanted to go back to Jerusalem. This way we could make Nephi look like a hero and save the day, getting the girl in the process.

So we started in with the arguing and angry words, trying not to lay it on too thick. Lemuel had made some rope by weaving some old paper together. If you didn’t look real close it was pretty convincing. As a part of our acting, we grabbed Nephi, tied him up, and as if on queue, Nephi stood up off the ground and started saying this speech that sounded like it had been rehearsed except he was telling us the story of our journey so far as written in his fictional book. It was crazy talk and I was about to protest but I looked over and could see that the same daughter of Ishmael that we had been trying to get together with Nephi was clearly eating it all up.

It was a masterful stroke and at the end of his speech he broke his trick ropes. From then on this girl was putty in his hands and we kept playing along so as not to break the magic. So now I guess you can call me the official matchmaker for the family of Lehi! I feel like singing a song for some reason…..

Day 95

Well we got back to camp finally and boy was everybody happy. Things worked out just great. A small celebration ensued wherein the consumption of wine appeared to be a bit extensive. The next day my dad woke up and told us about this wild psychedelic dream with buildings, trees, iron rods, mists of darkness, and other stuff. He seriously had way too much of the vino!

But then poor old Nephi goes into his tent and comes out and tries to one up the old man by saying he had the same “vision” and tried explaining what it all meant. I kept looking to the poor daughter of Ishmael who was destined to become Nephi’s wife and was seriously worried but she seemed to be lapping it all right up so we played along again.

Nephi spends most of his time writing his fictional stories in his tent but this girl is head over heels in love with him. I think it’s been good for Nephi. The attention he is getting sure has helped his self esteem.

Day 105

Nephi is driving me nuts. He has gotten so cocky after the fake rebellion and from the female attention he has been getting that he is making some serious mistakes. Dad hasn’t been feeling well lately and had decided that in order for Nephi to continue his confidence streak that he should be in charge of our travels. We have been traveling a week in circles. He is the worst navigator in the world!

Finally we stopped for a couple of days. Tomorrow is the big wedding, probably the biggest wedding in family history. All the sons of Lehi are getting married! This couldn’t come too soon for Nephi. He really needs someone to watch out for him.

Day 106

Wow, what a party. We had a great time and my new wife is a real hot babe!

Lemuel and I were having a little adult beverage in the reception tent when we got a great idea. We decided to make a device to help guide Nephi in the right direction because we are sick and tired of Nephi being the one who navigates for us. I was thinking we should head south towards the sea so that maybe we can figure out more precisely where we are and for the possiblity again to push the idea of opening a seaport for trade!

So Lemuel and I scrounged up some things and basically made a metal ball with an arrow in it. We’re going to leave it outside overnight and when Nephi finds it he will think his “angel” brought it to him. The arrow will only point one way but we figure that we will just tell him he is holding it upside down or something to get him going in the right direction. When he breaks for lunch we can adjust it a little and then at night adjust it again. At least we won’t be walking in circles anymore!

Day 107

Well our father Lehi ended up finding our magic ball but he gave it right to Nephi so now we are headed the right direction. I was worried that dad would recognize the parts of metallic dinnerware that we used to make the fake direction device.

Lemuel suggested that we also write messages on the ball once in a while to help keep up the illusion of the supernatural. Hopefully this keeps on working out. I can almost smell the salt air already!

Day 120

Well we’ve spent the last couple weeks traveling in the wilderness and have headed in the right direction most of the time. A couple of times we nearly got caught resetting the ball with the arrow on it that Nephi has come to call the “Liahona” for some reason. Whenever he isn’t using the “Liahona” he’s in his tent writing his fictional novels.

Day 122

Just when I think we’ve got it all figured out, Nephi goes and pulls another stunt. A good portion of our meals are provided through hunting and being in the wilderness there is lots of game. Well Lemuel and I are usually tasked with the hunting. When we got up this morning, we found Nephi with a broken bow in his hands. This is not surprising when you consider that he abused the bow every chance he got. One day he was using it as a walking stick and the next he was beating rabbits to death with it for sport. I even saw him using it as a swing one night on a low tree limb. Well the steel finally gave out.

Now this was a very nice bow. It was made by Joseph Bear, one of the premier bow makers in the east. But no matter how good the construction is, you have to take care of your equipment or it won’t be able to take care of you!

Even in the midst of all this I wasn’t too worried. Lemuel, Sam, and I still had our bows. Then I went to the archery equipment and was shocked to see that all of our bows had remained strung which is a very poor way to store a bow. If you do not unstring a bow when you are not using it, it will lose its spring and be useless. As I stood there trying to figure out why this happened I heard some laughter from behind me. It was Nephi, very pleased with himself for some reason. It then dawned on me! Even though we had put our bows away properly, he thought it would be a good joke to restring them and let them lose their spring. What a sick, sick thing to do! Very short sighted but we are dealing with a disturbed individual here. Now our bows had lost their spring and our principle means of getting food was gone.

But if I have learned anything in this family it is to expect the unexpected. I had my trusty scout manual with me and decided to follow the directions in it for making a bow and arrows. This took some time and as soon as word got around camp, Nephi was not a very popular guy. In fact his wife was downright upset at him. She was hungry as well as the rest of our party.

She ordered Nephi to come over and help us. I’m sure you can understand our reluctance to have him help us in anyway as his help is usually worse than no help at all. We gave him some sticks, feathers, and string to play with. Within a day or so Lemuel, Sam, and I had some decent bows and arrows while Nephi had a bunch of sticks and tangled string.

He was really down as his wife had kicked him out of the tent and vowed not to let him back in until he went out and provided for his family. He just sat there in the dirt trying and trying to put the bow together but making no headway. His spirit was slowly being crushed by the realization of his own ineptitude and the prospect of remaining married and celibate.

Now Lemuel and I were beginning to be a little vocal in our complaints about Nephi’s behavior as of late. His disregard for everyone was really hurting morale. Nephi though, was determined as ever to prove he could do it. So Lamuel, Sam, and I began to formulate a plan to get him out of our hair and back into the care of his wife.

We convinced Nephi that he could do this. We told him to go get the “Liahona” and to take his tangled mess of string and sticks into the wilderness to find food. Sam went with him and offered Nephi the bow he made to shoot at game. Lemuel and I secretly followed them and when Nephi shot at game we would shoot at the same animal from behind rocks or trees. That way Nephi thought he was actually shooting game!

It was all going well until Lemuel actually shot a large deer like animal that happened to be a different one than Nephi had shot at. Sam was great though and told Nephi the arrow must not have been strait. “Those 90 degree arrows are pretty rare but great for shooting around objects or corners Nephi,” quipped Sam. Sam was great at pumping Nephi’s ego up for every animal he was able to take. Sam was giving Nephi hi-fives and slaps on the back with each success. With Sam’s help they were able to get the food back to camp and Nephi was once again the hero!

Sometimes these sorts of situations are a real challenge for Lemuel and me but we really love our family and feel that the extra effort to help our “reality challenged brother” is worth it in the long run. He has so many problems that without his family, he would be in very difficult straits. It makes Lemuel and I feel good that we can help our family. I do worry about the day when we won’t be there to help him though. Hopefully by then he will have enough children to help keep him out of trouble.